9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
