i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
