No stitches, just platelets and will power
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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