I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
