Yo dont text me then not text me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
