you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
