I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
