You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
