After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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