Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
