Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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