heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
