He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
