I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
