apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Vodka?
Forever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
