Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
