Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize