Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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