Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
