What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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