I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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