I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
