so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
