last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
