My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
