with your own penis?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
