I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
