well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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