I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
