i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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