is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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