Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
