I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
