He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
