i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
