My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
