what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
