Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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