Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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