'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
