You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
