I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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