just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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