I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He felt like a one man threesome
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
