goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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