i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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