if i can run in heels then i can drive
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
