I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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