That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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