Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
