I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
