Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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