she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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