Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight