i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
