so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
