i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
