I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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