I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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