We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
