You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
