I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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